The Lie Society Tells Us: Valentine's Day

As you all probably know, Valentine's Day was this past Sunday. This is a day that can be both good and bad for a lot of people, as it is generally regarded to be all about romance. This is great for those who are in romantic relationships and have someone to spend it with, but not so great for those who don't, and may end up feeling lonely or even depressed. And a lot of this has to do with a few key lies our society tells us about love and romance.

LIE: Romantic relationships are more important than platonic ones.

This is a really common misconception our society has, and it's pretty well exemplified by things like the "friend zone" or being "just friends" or wanting those two friends on that TV show to finally be a couple, among other situations. And yes, romantic relationships are understood to be a bit more than friendly, most of the time, and yes, they are important. However, that doesn't mean they are more important. Friendships may often be longer lasting, deeper relationships than the dating relationships our society favors.

That said, romantic relationships are also not less important than friendships, since romantic relationships should also be friendships to begin with.

LIE: You need a romantic relationship to be worth something.

Society makes quite a big deal out of this one, too. People act like there is something wrong with a person if they "can't get a date" or "can't keep a relationship." People feel that because they are single, that they are undesirable or flawed in some way. And that's just not true. There are plenty of people who have never been in a relationship who are wonderful people. How many dates you've been on is not a way of measuring how good of a person you are. Value is not defined by love life.

LIE: Love, like everything else, is disposable.

Honestly, our society has a very conflicting perspective when it comes to love. One one hand, we throw around the word like it means absolutely nothing. We love food, music, celebrities, lots of things that we don't really love.

But on the other hand, we can be so afraid of telling people we love them, either because it seems weird (particularly in the case of telling friends we love them), or because our society is so afraid of committing to anything. That's what love is, or what it should be: a commitment, and we live in a throw-away society.

So, in the days following Valentine's day (or single's awareness day, as some people like to call it), don't be upset by the things society tells us because so many of them are lies.

The Lie Society Tells Us: Self Portraits

At my school, if you walk down the fine arts hallway, you might hear flutes and trumpets and saxophones coming from the band room. You might hear voices coming from the choir room. You might hear lines being rehearsed in the drama room or auditorium. You might smell paint or sawdust from the tech theatre department. But you'll definitely see the line of portraits hanging on the cinder block walls.

About the first half of the drawings are pencil and charcoal self portraits of the students, splattered with colorful paint. The second half are colored pencil sketches on colored paper.

To put it simply, the colored pencil drawings are incredible. They're fantastically realistic, and the colors are bright and unexpected, yet somehow exactly the right shade to create the image you expect to see.

Don't get me wrong, the self portraits are wonderful too, and there is obviously a lot of talent, focus, and hard work that went into creating them. But as a whole, the self portraits are not as realistic as the colored pencil drawings. Upon closer inspection, some of them appear a bit distorted, sort of like looking in a warped carnival mirror.

If you take the time to think about the drawings as you walk down the hallway, you might start to wonder why the drawings the students did of other people look so realistic, and why oftentimes the drawings they did of themselves are a bit out of proportion. And I think it goes back to another one of the lies society tells us.

The self portraits are distorted because that is how we, as people, tend to see ourselves.

We do not see ourselves as we truly are. We cannot see ourselves accurately. We have spent too much time criticizing our own appearances based on a set of "standards" that the media gives us. We have started to believe things about ourselves that just aren't true.

But with other people, we don't seem to do this. I think, a lot of times, we don't hold pick apart other people's appearances like we do our own. So often, we know not to be mean to others, but we never think about not being mean to ourselves.What you may see in yourself isn't necessarily what others see.

And I think that's worth remembering, next time you feel self conscious. Our internalized self portrait is not what others are really seeing.

The Lie Society Tells Us: Price vs. Worth

I think it's pretty clear that society tells us all a lot of lies. About the world, about others, and about ourselves. But I think one of the biggest lies we're told is that expensive things are better.

It's a common saying: "you get what you pay for." But I would argue that it's not always true. Yes, sometimes cheaper items are of a lower quality. That's just a simple business principle; to charge lower prices, you usually need to purchase cheaper, poorer quality materials. But sometimes, having lower quality materials doesn't make enough of a difference in the final product.

For example, I can't tell the difference in a book I paid full price for at Barnes & Noble and the one I paid a dollar for at Dollar Tree. Obviously, the stories are different, but when it comes down to it, it's just ink on a page. And if the Dollar Tree book is printed with lower quality ink on lower quality paper, well, it just doesn't make a difference in the end reading experience. Nor can I tell a difference in the book that I paid fifty cents for at a thrift store, other than it maybe showing a little age or wear. 

I was raised to look for bargains. I always buy things on sale, or with coupons, or at thrift stores, and if I can't find it, maybe I can make it myself. And I normally find really good-quality items for low prices. Sometimes even name brand items. I am not the kind of person who will pay more for an item just because it has a certain brand on it. 

However, because of the lie society tells us, many people will pay more for an item just because of its brand. And I think this makes the people who simply can't afford to have all name brand things feel like they are inferior somehow. They feel like because they don't have the biggest house, or the nicest car, or the newest iPhone, or that name brand backpack, that they aren't as good as the person who does. Society teaches us that "price" and "worth" are synonymous. 

Yet, for a society that treats price and worth as being the same, there sure is a big difference in "worthless" and "priceless," isn't there? 

Let's take a look at that for a moment. If we are to believe the lie society tells us, that price and worth are equal, then these two words should mean the same thing, right? But everyone knows that they would never call the Mona Lisa worthless, or an ordinary pebble they picked up outside priceless. 

The dictionary defines it this way:

priceless

adjective

1. having a value beyond all price; invaluable:

a priceless artwork.

worthless

adjective

1. without worth; of no use, importance, or value; good-for-nothing:

a worthless person 

Isn't that interesting? Society tells us that price and worth are the same, and in the same breath explains the difference in worthless and priceless. "Worthless" generally means it has so little value that it cannot equal money. And "priceless" means it has so much value that money cannot equal it. 

It's simple. Price does not equal worth. 

For an example, let's look at people. If you have to "buy" your friend, let's say with expensive gifts, then they're probably not going to be a very valuable friend to have. In fact, you might could say they're worthless as a friend, because they're not truly loyal to you. 

On the other hand, a true friend will be loyal, whether or not you give them fancy presents or whatever they ask for. They will stick beside you in good and bad. The friend with the high price tag could be considered worthless, while the friend that comes for free is priceless. 

Friends, family, love, hope, faith, peace, laughter, nature, music (and we're not talking iTunes here), language, and art are all examples of beautiful, priceless things that come at no cost at all. 

So if you ever feel worthless because you can't afford that fancy new item with the high price tag, just remember...

Price does not equal worth.